Showing posts with label Myraid Things. Show all posts

In my Mind…..



It seems...
It hits me, strikes me ,bounces off me..

A nail biting story…

Just yesterday… I was wearing a this brand new pair of shoes (chappals,if I may say so..). It might not even have been like 4-5 hrs .. I felt little uneasy wearing them…
Actually my shoes doesn’t last for even week forget months..
That’s like my trademark thing.. I still haven’t figured out why, how for myself..

Later on I realized that a nail was stuck on rear of my shoe, I dint bother to remove it then but later on it started pricking me.. I obviously couldn’t let it be that way…
It disabled my walking…
So I removed it…. I figured it was one those notice board nail pins.


The strange /Funny part is…

Later that night, my chappals broke, making me completely unable to walk, I was shopping in the mall, limping my way thru and that was the last place I could probably find a cobbler, the only other option being buying a brand new pair of chappals …
Well I wasn’t that keen on buying brand new pair again…
( I realized our dependency on shoes soo much, I cudnt just remove it and walk barefoot, I was too embarrassed to do so..)

Ahan! The other quick fix solution for mending it was.. glueing it.. Well looking out for shops wasn’t big deal in mall (thank god). I went to “hobby ideas” to find glue which could gel in cloth..
In middle of mall I was glueing my black chappals, with white glue..
(I know that’s pretty lame.. but I was adamant on buying new pair of shoes)

Well the glue it seems was adamant on sticking my shoe as well....
Something struck me while doing this..
I went to stationary store in the mall, bought a packet of “noticeboard nailpins”….
This time I pierced the same nail pin in my shoe and....

Eureka !!!! it worked..

My chappals were mended.. I shopped.. I returned back home.. and I still have those “noticeboard nailpin” stuck in my shoe… this time.. Making me enable to walk…

Sometimes you dont realize what will strike you where( pun intended) !!!!! he he he

Confessions of an Addict…

[Addiction is defined by “A dependence on a behavior or a thing that a person is powerless to stop.” In snapshot it is described an obsession, compulsion, or excessive dependence of /on something.]

It all started with a friend suggesting to open an account on latest social networking site that was the buzz doing rounds in the virtual “WWW” ….

It was meant to stay connected ..to keep in touch with them.
Instant messengers and mails didn’t exist for me then.
Internet was a remote possibility…

I lacked an email-id…I lacked a virtual identity.

The only source my computer provided to me was for playing games (which I still do ),, listening to music etc etc.. so it wasn’t that very important for me perhaps, just a means of entertainment…

Coming to think about it now, I feel…
My computer was dead for long time … In a way I was too..


Now..

The first thing I do coming back home is log onto my pc, actually I plug into my internet connection even before that.. ( O.C.D).

Google ( Blackle- trying to be eco-friendly) being my home page I am its huge fan as well. Not just for my home pc but for work pc as well ( I like personalizing things. :-))

Tab one: Gmail
Tab two: Orkut
Tab three: Facebook..
Tab four: Messengers

New Window: Rest of the things

thats my routine I think (another O.C.D)..


Tab one: Gmail

I have got to check it, more often then usual I prefer reading to mails, then to net- surfing. It’s like “the more the merrier” when it comes to my inbox…
There is thrill of some kind to read the mails in your inbox, an anticipation for something new to be discovered.. something new to be known.. I guess….

There is this feeling that someone bothered to bother about you, someone felt… to share something with you…


Somehow.. I also like the red, green dots, showing up in the Gmail
(especially when they are besides the people you really want them to )..
Although I don’t like the orange ones that much …

There is this feeling of being together somehow when your are distances apart..


*[ There is something exciting when 5-10 windows pops onto screen. greeting you …
as soon as you log onto to your messengers…

In between the perplexed condition that you are into, of switching from one tab to another from one messenger to another, basically multitasking here as well…
You like it….. when you tell our friends that you are taking time to reply him/her becoz you are talking to 10 other people.. The “sorry wrong window” phrase.. sounds cooler than it might actually be ]


The feeling that you have someone there to talk to / to listen to you in this “busy” world is gratifying.


Tab two: Orkut

Well … you get a peep into the lives of your friends, long lost ones, some relatives
(whom you hardly talk to but wanna stay in touch anyways).

* [Albums,photos,communities,videos status updates.. gotta check them all once in a while..
You wanna know where your friends have been, what are they doing, how do they look now.. lolz
Scrapbook allows you to talk to people who aren’t as net savy as you and you got to check that as well also once in while.]


Tab three: Facebook.

The ultimate thing that has gripped everyone I am no different..

* [You update your status more frequently than you think ..you gotta blurt it out .. whatever that is going in your mind.. You like it when people notice that…
You like to flaunt your friendlist… so force your friends to join in.. add up new acquaintances, You like no. of comments you get on your newly updated status, on your newly updated photo album..You feel popular when someone tags you in their album..
You find yourself thinking about facebook even if you are out on vacation and enjoying yourself, you have got to check your account and update your status.. somehow..
You find applications are an easier way of knowing yourself better, in comparing yourself with others no matter how insanely ridiculous they might be..]

Tab four: Messengers

As soon as you log onto it …. The screen goes pop…pop…pop


Abc: hi wassup
Xyz: hey hi ,hows u
Abc: I am fine what abut you?
Xyz: I am gr8..
Xyz: how was ur day?
Abc: hmm well you know what happened today……..
…………………………….
……………………………
…………………………….
Xyz : aaahh
Abc: yeah k…
……………………..
……………………..
…………………….

Another window pops

Efg: hey mayn.. whr r u
Abc: hey hie m gud,yeah been lil busy
( even if you manage to talk to same person everyday)

Efg: wats going on
Abc: kuch nahi some work
Efg: hmm
………………….long pauses………………….
Efg: u thr?
Abc: yeha yeah.. teme
Efg: nothing much
Abc ok..

Previous window
Xyz: hey gtg
Abc: c ya laterz.. gd nt tc sd
Xyz: gd nt tc sd. Bubye

* [ Routine eehh !! but you like it somehow, you like to talk it all out that’s been bothering you, you like to hear from others who might be in similar situation, and messengers just bridges the gap for you]

Its one of the easier means of communication, typing was only an effort one had to take.. but voice chat solves it all.. he he he

But I prefer the the good ‘ol way..

I like to put in thoughts, emotions, feelings in writing then emoting it out, ( well emoticons solves that problem too…)


The thing I like most about virtuality is that you don’t get to judge people by the way they look, or by the way they are…

It’s like you open your (chat) window into their soul…
You get to judge them from what they are from within..

( I dunno how people can fake themselves, or their identity in the virtual world, I feel they might just reveal their true identity )

Looks can be deceptive.. but thoughts are difficult to deceive…


* [You have check your messengers for offliners, to check if somebody has just buzzed in to say “hows ya”.. all in all your glad to know.. people remembered you for some other reason.. ]


After the countless hours ( that’s another reason for your insomnia) you spent online, living in the virtual world…

You suddenly realize that Virtuality .. is getting better of you..…
But then Reality is no better either..

So you are happy as long as……. you are happy..

You realize you have become an addict …. You have become an addict to that happiness that it brings along..

But at the end of it .

All these things that make me an addict.. an addict to my computer, internet, facebook etc etc
My addiction to “non –living things”… The things that make me happy..

But in true sense of terms.. its and addiction to feelings… to emotions… to people, to others just like me..

As soon as I unplug myself from this world, I have an awful feeling, that I just disconnected myself from happiness… from people who no longer are just a part of my life… they have become my life…

In the end it’s about knowing I am no different then others…

However insane it is.. however worse it might be…
Addiction is actually what keeps you going.. day before a day… a day after a day.

I am glad I am an Addict………

[ *- This symbol refers to signs of addiction, if you agree with them…
You have just discovered that you are an “Addict” too.....]

Driving me Crazy......

It seemed an ordinary day,
we went out for drive..
which had been so long overdue...

little did i know.. you were searing with rage,
untill in no time you bursted out fuming..
I had no other option then to see you cooling,
let you vent out..of all your anger...

A while passed...

when you were calming down but i was mad, fuming
I couldnt understand why were you angry?..

It seemed you complained, i had no time for you..
but then,this was the time i thought i'd give you..
you gave me no reason for your anger...
now i wonder.. if we could ever be together..

i had hoped to go on long drives with you,
visit places far and distant..
but if you continued being furious like this..
it would be hard for me to traverse...

we have been together since times myraid..
i wish to sustain it for time without end..

I had hoped you could be the medium,
which would let me be..
wherever i want to...
whenever i wished to..

At times i know.....
I drive you like crazy...
but today you showed me that..
you can drive me crazy too....

I think we both know now...
we drive each other crazy
Untill we meet next time,
for yet another blazing ride ...

A chapter.....

Well I really wanted to write this for some time now…
It's difficult to express feelings in mere words …
This phase of my life has been one helluve ride for me….turning me upside down….inside out….

After almost a lifetime of feeling worthless, life seems pretty interesting now. A 'thought' which came out of will to do something to be something had started to nurture…
I wasn't sure what was it exactly, a group of people coming together for what they believe in or just mere get together of people with similar interest or was I just doing it plainly out of boredom of doing nothing….

It seemed to be a whirlwind… It was impacting… I swept away in it..

The "ABEL Foundation" – we call it that…. A 'thought' much more than an organization….A thought which has lot of things to say… lot of things to do…of seeing the world we live, in better light….the thought of making a change in the lives of not only us but many… A change which I have truly started to experience..

I like this phase…

There were times I had wanted things to happen; I was perhaps waiting for things to happen. I wanted to do something, to be something; I never thought life could be that frustrating, when you feel like just shutting yourself from outside world, into complete isolation, I thought that would have felt much better.

But, Nature and People are two things that keeps me sane, I guess..

My thoughts and my mind now constantly ponder about these things that has affected me in truly great sense.. I forget everything else..
It's difficult to reason how different people traveling different paths meet at crossroads and continue to tread along the similar path.

I have got a reason to think, to reflect, to act…

I think its most challenging phase of my life, I want to do things which I think are beyond my reach. It feels good though, to be of some worth, to be appreciated, to be felt of some use…
It's been few days now, still under the charming spell of Youth Summit. It's overwhelming …

I can't believe nor began to explain the whole phenomenon (I wish to call it that); which I am sure everyone who was the part of it is still reeling under the effect….
When this whole thing was shaping up, I wrote about it in mail,which I am glad I did.. coz I don't ever wanna forget that experience;it said-

I am not sure why I am writing this mail... but, I guess its becoz of our current fetish of conveying everything through mail….. that has caught onto us with this whole thing (Peter Sir/ St Peters/ Spandan/ Youth Summit/ Unknown people/ new Acquaintances…… etc etc) surmounting the whole of "ABEL Foundation"…….

Each day opening up mail box filled with 8-12 frantic mails ( asking/ suggesting/explaining/requesting/ enquiring/introducing …etc etc..).
And with us figuring it all out ( wats new on agenda?/ who is this person now?/ is this link anything related/ do we have to reply to this one/Is it meant for us/ shud we write to them…. Blah blah) in middle of night talking in conferences( which we cant get enough of….:))

Beeping each other for scheduling the meets, beeping just to ask wassup, beeping to ask come in conference, beeping to ask.. u slept early kya, who will talk in conference?....

Googling whole day on things we could do/ how to register an ngo/ how to write funding proposal/ how, what why, when…. And on and on and on….

Yet with each passing day, conversing/ arguing/ complimenting/.criticizing/motivating and contemplating over wats more to do/ wats left undone/ wats finished/ and wats yet to be started……. we begin somewhere somehow….

Some ideas brainstorming us, some lull moments, some days of tiredness, and some bouts of enthusiasm, some of utter uselessness….

Yet through all this chaos….. mind-boggling and sometimes mind-numbing, we still yearn to- beep everyone, check mails ( on all possible ids), answer each one of them,
Google search again, check links again, read , re-read re-re-re-read mails again….

Each day every time.. I am still not sure why I m sending this, maybe little push to ourselves… in pulling "It" all up…..
It*- Refers to lot of things I m sure that need not need an explanation……

I am not sure how "It" all started but I m glad that I am a part of "It", life couldn't have bin better without "It"………


With lot of apprehension and little glimmering hope, we tried to organize something for the Youth Summit; little did we know the consequences of it… ….Teary eyes, sheer attachment, strong emotions, elevated spirits, raised hopes, bountiful of knowledge, bundles of courage, loads of dear friends and a "will"- A will to do something, to be something.

We all came out from nowhere but came to somewhere…. Out from nothing to something… We learnt, we enjoyed, and we shared.

I remember the first thing I did going back was logging to every damn account I have, trying to reach out to everyone…

Coming to write about the "It" – factor, it has broader meaning for me now… deeper effect on me.... and it encompasses of lot more things… now

I so badly want pensieve to exist (it would have allowed me to fully immerse myself in the memories stored within it and it would have also relieved my mind which is now cluttered with lot of information…with lot of memories… with lot of emotions).

Well I have herd people saying "Well that was the… turning point of my life" I am not sure if this is mine.
But, I hope it's not an illusion, not like a mere dream for an insomniac.
I would have never imagined myself being here, doing all these things I think I am getting addicted to these people….
I am getting addicted to all the things that I think I have been running away from all this while....

Of all the things in my life,that may come and go... I want this to stay forever..endlessly

Out of the blue.......


Its getting interestingly funnier these days....
I dream a different dream each day(night!!), but with same "elements" that are a part of my life now…
My mind is filled with sweet memories of the same.. but my mind also tells me to let go of them… I have opened my study books …..

But my mind wanders of to different places.. to different memories!!

Interestingly while writing this and studying at same time I am solving a problem in English grammar.
It says.. solve grammatical error: the line reads.. “Many psychologists today suggest (a)/that we interpret dreams by comparing (b)/the dreams with (c)/the reality of each person’s (d)/Life” .
Out of 300 pages in my study book, I stumble upon this one precisely.. at this moment.

Untill now I have never witnessed anything that has had an impact on me. It’s difficult to digest the thought, pleasant but difficult....
I have never seen myself so vulnerable.