INSOMNIA....zzzzzzzzzzzz

Insomnia, had herd this word for the first time when it was associated as a symptom of a disease, must have been long time back, had mugged up pretty badly along with the illness and its symptoms.. Coming to think about it now, I think I had liked the word, coz I didn’t knew what it meant then and it stood out amongst the ordinary symptoms listed in our syllabus at that time.. :)
Sleeplessness.. Sleep deprivation...was its meaning as explained by our teachers, found it rather silly to have sleeplessness as a symptom back then..

Funnily realizing now and kind of witnessing the symptom…but..

Insomnia.. What makes me be awake???

Well if one truly tries to reason it out I don’t know... sometimes there are many reasons.. Sometimes you are just plain awake.. No reason whatsoever..

Today is one such day, I am awake for absolutely no reason, but I want to reason out to myself the very reason for simply not sleeping…

(This was one of the dialogues from popular series, found it apt as one the reason I consider for Sleeplessness…)
“When you're little, night time is scary because there are monsters under the bed. When you get older the monsters are different. Self doubt, loneliness, regrets. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.
Sleep. It’s the easiest thing to do; you just close your eyes,but for so many of us, sleep seems out of grasp. We want it, but we don't know how to get it. Yet once we face our fears and turn to each other for help, night time isn't so scary because we realize even in the dark, we aren't all alone.”

Sometimes it’s perhaps because you don’t have good enough reason to wake up next morning, to look upto something worthwhile, so better yet give no chance to “wake up”

Sometimes it’s due to the pursuit of something that has interested you immensely and grappled you that you don’t want to let go of it even for a moment to catch up on sleep

The two things contradict itself.. but its paradoxical to the core..

Sometimes the night time is the only time you’ve got all by yourself to indulge in things that you wanna do say read a book, write about something, catch on missed series, catch up with friends from busy daily schedule, think over the day past by, think over about the next day….

INSOMNIA-(I define it as.) I ‘am Not Sleepy, Ordinary Mind Needs Inordinary Activity..
Connoting it lil funnily as - I’am Never Sleepy Ofcourse My Notion is Adaptable :P

Sometimes night time is the only time when ideas hits you, where imagination is at its best, when your mind works wonders and you wouldn’t waste a moment over even consider trying to sleep….. which results into something I denote as Natural High!!!
( Insomnia gives you a natural high and it doesnt even give time for hangover)
Sometimes, its sheer mind wanderings. finding out ways to get certain unfulfilled things done, exploring and knowing new things, sometimes sleeplessness is coz you delve into your dreams, aspirations, thoughts, imaginations…

“Dream is not what you see when you sleep.. It’s the thing which does not let you sleep”

It’s this constant pursuit of oneself to do something, be something, to keep mind occupied all the time..

Sometimes it feels that whatever time you’ve got for yourself its pretty lame to waste it on SLEEP......zzzzzzz

In my Mind…..



It seems...
It hits me, strikes me ,bounces off me..

A nail biting story…

Just yesterday… I was wearing a this brand new pair of shoes (chappals,if I may say so..). It might not even have been like 4-5 hrs .. I felt little uneasy wearing them…
Actually my shoes doesn’t last for even week forget months..
That’s like my trademark thing.. I still haven’t figured out why, how for myself..

Later on I realized that a nail was stuck on rear of my shoe, I dint bother to remove it then but later on it started pricking me.. I obviously couldn’t let it be that way…
It disabled my walking…
So I removed it…. I figured it was one those notice board nail pins.


The strange /Funny part is…

Later that night, my chappals broke, making me completely unable to walk, I was shopping in the mall, limping my way thru and that was the last place I could probably find a cobbler, the only other option being buying a brand new pair of chappals …
Well I wasn’t that keen on buying brand new pair again…
( I realized our dependency on shoes soo much, I cudnt just remove it and walk barefoot, I was too embarrassed to do so..)

Ahan! The other quick fix solution for mending it was.. glueing it.. Well looking out for shops wasn’t big deal in mall (thank god). I went to “hobby ideas” to find glue which could gel in cloth..
In middle of mall I was glueing my black chappals, with white glue..
(I know that’s pretty lame.. but I was adamant on buying new pair of shoes)

Well the glue it seems was adamant on sticking my shoe as well....
Something struck me while doing this..
I went to stationary store in the mall, bought a packet of “noticeboard nailpins”….
This time I pierced the same nail pin in my shoe and....

Eureka !!!! it worked..

My chappals were mended.. I shopped.. I returned back home.. and I still have those “noticeboard nailpin” stuck in my shoe… this time.. Making me enable to walk…

Sometimes you dont realize what will strike you where( pun intended) !!!!! he he he

Confessions of an Addict…

[Addiction is defined by “A dependence on a behavior or a thing that a person is powerless to stop.” In snapshot it is described an obsession, compulsion, or excessive dependence of /on something.]

It all started with a friend suggesting to open an account on latest social networking site that was the buzz doing rounds in the virtual “WWW” ….

It was meant to stay connected ..to keep in touch with them.
Instant messengers and mails didn’t exist for me then.
Internet was a remote possibility…

I lacked an email-id…I lacked a virtual identity.

The only source my computer provided to me was for playing games (which I still do ),, listening to music etc etc.. so it wasn’t that very important for me perhaps, just a means of entertainment…

Coming to think about it now, I feel…
My computer was dead for long time … In a way I was too..


Now..

The first thing I do coming back home is log onto my pc, actually I plug into my internet connection even before that.. ( O.C.D).

Google ( Blackle- trying to be eco-friendly) being my home page I am its huge fan as well. Not just for my home pc but for work pc as well ( I like personalizing things. :-))

Tab one: Gmail
Tab two: Orkut
Tab three: Facebook..
Tab four: Messengers

New Window: Rest of the things

thats my routine I think (another O.C.D)..


Tab one: Gmail

I have got to check it, more often then usual I prefer reading to mails, then to net- surfing. It’s like “the more the merrier” when it comes to my inbox…
There is thrill of some kind to read the mails in your inbox, an anticipation for something new to be discovered.. something new to be known.. I guess….

There is this feeling that someone bothered to bother about you, someone felt… to share something with you…


Somehow.. I also like the red, green dots, showing up in the Gmail
(especially when they are besides the people you really want them to )..
Although I don’t like the orange ones that much …

There is this feeling of being together somehow when your are distances apart..


*[ There is something exciting when 5-10 windows pops onto screen. greeting you …
as soon as you log onto to your messengers…

In between the perplexed condition that you are into, of switching from one tab to another from one messenger to another, basically multitasking here as well…
You like it….. when you tell our friends that you are taking time to reply him/her becoz you are talking to 10 other people.. The “sorry wrong window” phrase.. sounds cooler than it might actually be ]


The feeling that you have someone there to talk to / to listen to you in this “busy” world is gratifying.


Tab two: Orkut

Well … you get a peep into the lives of your friends, long lost ones, some relatives
(whom you hardly talk to but wanna stay in touch anyways).

* [Albums,photos,communities,videos status updates.. gotta check them all once in a while..
You wanna know where your friends have been, what are they doing, how do they look now.. lolz
Scrapbook allows you to talk to people who aren’t as net savy as you and you got to check that as well also once in while.]


Tab three: Facebook.

The ultimate thing that has gripped everyone I am no different..

* [You update your status more frequently than you think ..you gotta blurt it out .. whatever that is going in your mind.. You like it when people notice that…
You like to flaunt your friendlist… so force your friends to join in.. add up new acquaintances, You like no. of comments you get on your newly updated status, on your newly updated photo album..You feel popular when someone tags you in their album..
You find yourself thinking about facebook even if you are out on vacation and enjoying yourself, you have got to check your account and update your status.. somehow..
You find applications are an easier way of knowing yourself better, in comparing yourself with others no matter how insanely ridiculous they might be..]

Tab four: Messengers

As soon as you log onto it …. The screen goes pop…pop…pop


Abc: hi wassup
Xyz: hey hi ,hows u
Abc: I am fine what abut you?
Xyz: I am gr8..
Xyz: how was ur day?
Abc: hmm well you know what happened today……..
…………………………….
……………………………
…………………………….
Xyz : aaahh
Abc: yeah k…
……………………..
……………………..
…………………….

Another window pops

Efg: hey mayn.. whr r u
Abc: hey hie m gud,yeah been lil busy
( even if you manage to talk to same person everyday)

Efg: wats going on
Abc: kuch nahi some work
Efg: hmm
………………….long pauses………………….
Efg: u thr?
Abc: yeha yeah.. teme
Efg: nothing much
Abc ok..

Previous window
Xyz: hey gtg
Abc: c ya laterz.. gd nt tc sd
Xyz: gd nt tc sd. Bubye

* [ Routine eehh !! but you like it somehow, you like to talk it all out that’s been bothering you, you like to hear from others who might be in similar situation, and messengers just bridges the gap for you]

Its one of the easier means of communication, typing was only an effort one had to take.. but voice chat solves it all.. he he he

But I prefer the the good ‘ol way..

I like to put in thoughts, emotions, feelings in writing then emoting it out, ( well emoticons solves that problem too…)


The thing I like most about virtuality is that you don’t get to judge people by the way they look, or by the way they are…

It’s like you open your (chat) window into their soul…
You get to judge them from what they are from within..

( I dunno how people can fake themselves, or their identity in the virtual world, I feel they might just reveal their true identity )

Looks can be deceptive.. but thoughts are difficult to deceive…


* [You have check your messengers for offliners, to check if somebody has just buzzed in to say “hows ya”.. all in all your glad to know.. people remembered you for some other reason.. ]


After the countless hours ( that’s another reason for your insomnia) you spent online, living in the virtual world…

You suddenly realize that Virtuality .. is getting better of you..…
But then Reality is no better either..

So you are happy as long as……. you are happy..

You realize you have become an addict …. You have become an addict to that happiness that it brings along..

But at the end of it .

All these things that make me an addict.. an addict to my computer, internet, facebook etc etc
My addiction to “non –living things”… The things that make me happy..

But in true sense of terms.. its and addiction to feelings… to emotions… to people, to others just like me..

As soon as I unplug myself from this world, I have an awful feeling, that I just disconnected myself from happiness… from people who no longer are just a part of my life… they have become my life…

In the end it’s about knowing I am no different then others…

However insane it is.. however worse it might be…
Addiction is actually what keeps you going.. day before a day… a day after a day.

I am glad I am an Addict………

[ *- This symbol refers to signs of addiction, if you agree with them…
You have just discovered that you are an “Addict” too.....]

Meaning.......

Sometimes we derive our answers, to those unsettled questions which have our mind lingering over, all the time in bizarre ways..

Sometimes a book makes the reader wait till that very moment, when the reader could understand its true value, not in terms of just the text that it holds but it terms of the meaning that could perhaps in a way matter to the reader.

Sometimes suddenly just this day out of blue... through some instances.. like perhaps talking to somebody, watching T V, reading a newspaper or probably from a cut out of the paper you just had your bhel in you figure it out.....

Something connects, something fits into that jigsaw puzzle that your mind has created by itself which then it tries to resolve as well.

"Meaning" is something each one of us is trying to figure out, about and from every aspect of our life...

There are times when some things bother you so much that, it starts to affect everything around you. and then you start blaming that everything.. for your difficulties, when the problem lies in perhaps yourself.

How long does it take for us to figure that out?

So is it that we derive our answers all by ourselves.. or the answers are just lying around , waiting for us to seek them.
Its like those multiple choice questions we have for most of our exams, you have questions and then you have answers just lying in front of you.

All you have to do is figure it out, seek the Right one...

Choice is what we have, Results are certain, Fate is.......

Oogle Google ….

Every single day I sift through thee
the vast expanse of knowledge
for that I seek, not within me
It says “search”
You’ll find what you must seek
it opens its windows for me
by a click of key...


Exploring the whole new world
encompassed within it
Everyone hopes to be in its lucky pages
Everyone who wishes to exist.


I seek its help
When I am stuck with something
It allows me to find it myself
Selflessly it helps others
help themselves..
by click of a key...


I spend times countless
Oogling at thee
I marvel who gave it
its ideal name be...

just another person perhaps
who wished to seek knowledge,
not within him
but to make it accessible
by click of key....


I always come back to home
to find within thee
something new ..
something to be glee

I know not now
how different it is
but it certainly does
make a difference to me..



Well, I am awed by sheer impact it has made on lives of people, I always wished to know how one could make a difference to the world, something of that grandititude is little difficult to achieve..

Google is living example of it though.

The realization just dawned to me , that I am practically dependent on google for most of things and most of the people are supposedly..

So, I wanna just thank its makers in a way, this was just something that came to my mind. :-)

Metaphorically speaking...........

The one thing that I religiously follow every night is keep stuff for download be it movies, series, e-books, software’s etc on my precious computer.... :)))
The reason being, there is absolutely no time to watch television these days.. or the strength to fight over a remote control and my work allows to me spend so much time in front of computer screen that I am practically glued to it.

So downloads work for me…. I can watch, read the stuff I like.. any day... anytime.. for a cuppa entertainment.

But today, as I was lining the torrents for download…

If you are netizen you'll know what I am talking about, I lined up 4-5 torrents at a stretch combining a total of some 4-5 Gb of downloadable content which I know, will not get downloaded in one night's span.
Yet I kept it. Hoping....( to be lucky) that all of it might just get downloaded..

The thing that struck me was sometimes our lives work on similar lines...

There are too many things you want to do at same time and you are subconsciously aware of the fact that you won’t be able to finish all those things at that very instant.

Yet to do it.. you involve yourself in too many things hoping that you'll be able to do everything, hoping that maybe you will get it all.. hoping that you will succeed in every sphere.


The next day I woke up and saw that none of them had completely downloaded (as I presumed, each one was showing 40%, 60%, 80% etc downloaded content).
So I wasn’t able to view any of the stuff that I had kept for download.

Well...

At times you fail.. you fail to achieve everything at that very instant.. You get depressed, annoyed at not being able to do it, at not being to achieve it …..
Although subconsciously you were aware of the fact that there is very rare possiblity of you being able to do it all.

The next night again, I kept only the unfinished stuff for download.
The day after that, all of the stuff was downloaded, I was able to view everything that I had planned on watching.

So sometimes, if you have patience and persistence to wait little longer... try a little longer... you might just come out victorious.

But its always a win-win situation, if you know yourself well and do things that you know you’ll be able to.

Now on, I keep only so much stuff for download that I know will be completed in a night’s span. So that the next day I have it all..

I believe the fact that “Impossible is nothing ” but sometimes hoping unrealistic things to happen takes the better of us.

So I guess, knowing what is possible is sometimes a better option.

Of an End & a Beginning......


"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day".
-Edith Lovejoy Pierce

I was wondering what would be the first word of the first page of my book; it had to mean a lot for me, sum up everything for me and the word that came to my mind was ……Thanks

Hmm, for all the things that happened for me last year and for things that are yet to come...
For all the loved ones, for all my friends, colleagues old &new, for all those who have guided me, helped me, supported me, encouraged me, motivated me, inspired me… my thanks
And if I was to list down the names of the things & people I would thankful to, it might l just fill my entire book.

“If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
-Lewis Caroll

Well so.. I’ll move on to the next thing that comes to mind … A wish

A dream, a desire, an ambition which I have wished for, to attain, that will be the driving force for me for an entirety to achieve and accomplish the things which I have planned for myself. Chalking out a roadmap to know where I will be when I get there.

Some aspirations to fulfill, some desires to nurture.. looking forward to all that in coming year

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other".
-Anonymous

The dawn of New Year is incomplete without… Resolutions.
I have never made any before, not because I am afraid I can’t follow them but because you don’t really have to wait for whole New Year to start off something…
If you wish to you can, anytime anywhere…

But since I have wished to do something’s now.. I might as well scribe it down, so each time I visit my blog I am reminded of it.

1. My first resolution would then be to follow my resolutions.
2. Read books as much as I can & increase the size of my little library.
3. Get rid of my addiction....( Oops read as spend less time on my precious computer)
4. “Observe, Learn, Reflect, Share ,Write” (yeah I am gonna make that as my resolution)
5. Act more and Think less
6. Dream more and Visualize

Well I guess these pretty much sum up for me, to look ahead…


“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson

Learning from past experiences, cherishing all good memories and taking in stride all the bitter ones.. Lets start afresh with new hopes, new ideas, new dreams….

I wanna start today..this day of an End and a new Beginning…

Life as I know it so far.....

It’s difficult to live life not knowing what you wanna do about it….. in it….
Its difficult to tell others about it too, because, you are a mere.... perception to them

But I question this morality…
Is it not possible for a person to not know what one wanna do?.. what one wanna become?…
Why cant I know things that I don’t wanna do.. than what I want to..
I want to do lot of things in life..
But I don’t wanna look upto someone and say..
I wanna become like that person....

Coz, I don’t wanna be like someone…
I want to be someone….

In middle of interesting conversation I was questioned... “what do you dream of becoming?”, “what do you wish to give the world?”… these questions kinda left me dumbstruck.
I had never even questioned these things, cant even get close to having answers to these…

But then I realized these questions are not be answered they are to be felt,the feeling drives one to answer these questions.

I wish to find it one day...some day…

Funnily the dawning of realization hasn’t happened to me yet...
I guess because my hopes have raised.. my ambitions have raised…

I wish to yearn more, I wish to learn more.. I wish to earn more

Driving me Crazy......

It seemed an ordinary day,
we went out for drive..
which had been so long overdue...

little did i know.. you were searing with rage,
untill in no time you bursted out fuming..
I had no other option then to see you cooling,
let you vent out..of all your anger...

A while passed...

when you were calming down but i was mad, fuming
I couldnt understand why were you angry?..

It seemed you complained, i had no time for you..
but then,this was the time i thought i'd give you..
you gave me no reason for your anger...
now i wonder.. if we could ever be together..

i had hoped to go on long drives with you,
visit places far and distant..
but if you continued being furious like this..
it would be hard for me to traverse...

we have been together since times myraid..
i wish to sustain it for time without end..

I had hoped you could be the medium,
which would let me be..
wherever i want to...
whenever i wished to..

At times i know.....
I drive you like crazy...
but today you showed me that..
you can drive me crazy too....

I think we both know now...
we drive each other crazy
Untill we meet next time,
for yet another blazing ride ...

Subsistence of Being.........

I am a mere spectator.... in bylanes.... of this chaos.. watching.. it unfolding.. through my tv set…
In large bold letters Breaking News is being splashed across the screen, I am scurrying through all possible news channels I could switch on to a single frame.
Whatever it showed me, the sight that fitted in that single frame.. it was devastating.
The attack, the ruckus, the blasts, the hostages, the terrorists, the police The people.. the human… the mankind..

Mumbai is called the city of dreams, of aspirations, of inspirations, of hardship, of undying will, of never say never attitude.
I could see it getting diminished each second passing by….

The three days of terror stricken mumbai and minds….

After grasping the whole scenario and trying to absorb it.. a thought lingers.. why did they had to do this, for what purpose..
A mail claimed by people holding themselves responsible( deccan mujahidin) that this was done as revenge on hindu –muslim riots that happened in 1995…

Well I was like 8 year old then.. unaware of things going around me.. but I am quite old now to understand.. and rationally think on issues that surrounds our existence.

But this all didn’t make sense.. it did not seemed only to be a physical attack on people but it was an assault on the minds of people.. to create fear.. to create a feeling of hatred.. to create anger… It was a reaction to an action… but retorting it in violence is only going to trigger a chain reaction…

But…

Our ever so publicity addict politians stand at podium created by site of attack and deliver classic speeches.. instead of letting police do their work.. they create chaos and jeopardize the lives of even more, and as always put price on bravery..
The media as usual provides even more fuel to this…

Out of fear, people jump to conclusions spread rumors… jeopardize more people.. and makes it difficult for police to do their job.. and rhetorically blame the police for not executing their work effectively.

This happens as usual.. every single time

These are the things that everyone knows about and in fact also know that these things cannot resolve any issues..

Yes!! all are angry and all want to do something.. but anger shouldn't be transformed into Violence.. but into Actions.

All I see, as retort to this case is.. are silent demonstrations.. lighting of candles… protests with placards displaying anger….burning of effigies… online petitions, messages scribbled with blood of youth who wish to lend their condolences to ones who were departed and a salute to ones who gave their lives.
Yes this is a way of venting the anger.. saying out loud that it has affected us... letting people know the severity of the situation...

But are these effective Actions?

I wonder if these can be the only effective tools to fight terror, to fight the unjustified laws of government, to fight the inefficiency of the politians… for us who wants to see a change in society.

I noticed a stark difference in ethos of the “Youth of today -- Us”

Well a little over month ago I was part of youth summit which gathered around different people from different parts of the world to do something… to talk about, discuss and if possible try to find solutions to climate change. Well the thing to note was these people were educated... intelligent... motivated.. triggered to do something constructive irrespective of the differences.

These terrorists also represent the youth of today.. educated... motivated...triggered to do something... these terrorist were trained( in marine warfare… for crying out loud), were educated youngsters( spoke fluent English.. a global language) who hailed from little known villages… but were utilized for destructive purpose.

It’s so paradoxical !!!

Well we have the power to change… to make changes.. to make a choice between creation and destruction.

Its we who create these problems and we will be the ones to resolve them…


contd...............

Subsistence of Being.... How !!!


Then what could be our Actions?

Unity, not in terms of strength of people but minds of people.
[Terrorism doesn't have, religion, culture, boundaries.. but then neither does Unity…]


A little belief in system of government, in officials that protect the integrity of it, though they seem to be mere puppets.

[ The officials are also common men who wish to survive.. who wish for betterment of country, who are in it for only purpose that they see their country stand tall,but sometimes due to unruly politicians..bear the brunt of being an official]


By being responsible citizens, take part in issues discussed and raise an opinion when given a chance,become a part of system, get acknowledged with running of it.

[We cant just blame system (government) because we are the ones who form it,we say it is of, by and for people.. true that things doesn’t happen the way they seem but aren’t we in some way responsible for this, rather than playing blame games.. cant we effectively do something about it]

Voting a candidate isn’t an obligation, elect the best and not best out of the worst.

[Section 49-O of the Constitution - Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section "49-O"that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

49-O: The voter (or elector) deciding not to vote:
If an elector, after his electoral roll number has been duly entered in the register of voters in Form-17A and has put his signature or thumb impression thereon as required under sub-rule (1) of rule 49L, decided not to record his vote, a remark to this effect shall be made against the said entry in Form 17A by the presiding officer and the signature or thumb impression of the elector shall be obtained against such remark.
If you think none of the candidates at the ward / constituencies are able enough to lead the community, you can always opt not to vote, but if you will use this right of yours you may start a new things in our electoral process, which will further strengthen our democracy]

Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on them.

This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates for their parties for election. This would change the way, of our whole political system... it is seemingly surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....]


Be little unmaterialistic…. vigilant, precautious, strong and try not to resort to money( materialism) for every single thing. It has been our habit we tend to break laws.. meant for our own security and protection.. and when we are caught we bribe people.

[Haven’t we truly been affected by this mentality of ours, terrorists entered by bribing people, they could execute the plan efficiently because of sheer negligence]

Family and education are important in creating a generation who could think rationally and morally and not succumb to brainwashing by extremists.

Somewhere or the other we all are subconsciously aware of all these things.. Yet somehow we fail to act on them.. fail to implement it…

Isn’t this a better lesson learnt !!!!

Well ..when we are done reading.. we turn over pages .. this mite as well be one leaf out of our.. life.. turned over…dog-eared…. but frayed…

But I then now…. I don’t wish to just remain as a mere spectator in bylanes of the chaos.. that mite unfold in future….

A chapter.....

Well I really wanted to write this for some time now…
It's difficult to express feelings in mere words …
This phase of my life has been one helluve ride for me….turning me upside down….inside out….

After almost a lifetime of feeling worthless, life seems pretty interesting now. A 'thought' which came out of will to do something to be something had started to nurture…
I wasn't sure what was it exactly, a group of people coming together for what they believe in or just mere get together of people with similar interest or was I just doing it plainly out of boredom of doing nothing….

It seemed to be a whirlwind… It was impacting… I swept away in it..

The "ABEL Foundation" – we call it that…. A 'thought' much more than an organization….A thought which has lot of things to say… lot of things to do…of seeing the world we live, in better light….the thought of making a change in the lives of not only us but many… A change which I have truly started to experience..

I like this phase…

There were times I had wanted things to happen; I was perhaps waiting for things to happen. I wanted to do something, to be something; I never thought life could be that frustrating, when you feel like just shutting yourself from outside world, into complete isolation, I thought that would have felt much better.

But, Nature and People are two things that keeps me sane, I guess..

My thoughts and my mind now constantly ponder about these things that has affected me in truly great sense.. I forget everything else..
It's difficult to reason how different people traveling different paths meet at crossroads and continue to tread along the similar path.

I have got a reason to think, to reflect, to act…

I think its most challenging phase of my life, I want to do things which I think are beyond my reach. It feels good though, to be of some worth, to be appreciated, to be felt of some use…
It's been few days now, still under the charming spell of Youth Summit. It's overwhelming …

I can't believe nor began to explain the whole phenomenon (I wish to call it that); which I am sure everyone who was the part of it is still reeling under the effect….
When this whole thing was shaping up, I wrote about it in mail,which I am glad I did.. coz I don't ever wanna forget that experience;it said-

I am not sure why I am writing this mail... but, I guess its becoz of our current fetish of conveying everything through mail….. that has caught onto us with this whole thing (Peter Sir/ St Peters/ Spandan/ Youth Summit/ Unknown people/ new Acquaintances…… etc etc) surmounting the whole of "ABEL Foundation"…….

Each day opening up mail box filled with 8-12 frantic mails ( asking/ suggesting/explaining/requesting/ enquiring/introducing …etc etc..).
And with us figuring it all out ( wats new on agenda?/ who is this person now?/ is this link anything related/ do we have to reply to this one/Is it meant for us/ shud we write to them…. Blah blah) in middle of night talking in conferences( which we cant get enough of….:))

Beeping each other for scheduling the meets, beeping just to ask wassup, beeping to ask come in conference, beeping to ask.. u slept early kya, who will talk in conference?....

Googling whole day on things we could do/ how to register an ngo/ how to write funding proposal/ how, what why, when…. And on and on and on….

Yet with each passing day, conversing/ arguing/ complimenting/.criticizing/motivating and contemplating over wats more to do/ wats left undone/ wats finished/ and wats yet to be started……. we begin somewhere somehow….

Some ideas brainstorming us, some lull moments, some days of tiredness, and some bouts of enthusiasm, some of utter uselessness….

Yet through all this chaos….. mind-boggling and sometimes mind-numbing, we still yearn to- beep everyone, check mails ( on all possible ids), answer each one of them,
Google search again, check links again, read , re-read re-re-re-read mails again….

Each day every time.. I am still not sure why I m sending this, maybe little push to ourselves… in pulling "It" all up…..
It*- Refers to lot of things I m sure that need not need an explanation……

I am not sure how "It" all started but I m glad that I am a part of "It", life couldn't have bin better without "It"………


With lot of apprehension and little glimmering hope, we tried to organize something for the Youth Summit; little did we know the consequences of it… ….Teary eyes, sheer attachment, strong emotions, elevated spirits, raised hopes, bountiful of knowledge, bundles of courage, loads of dear friends and a "will"- A will to do something, to be something.

We all came out from nowhere but came to somewhere…. Out from nothing to something… We learnt, we enjoyed, and we shared.

I remember the first thing I did going back was logging to every damn account I have, trying to reach out to everyone…

Coming to write about the "It" – factor, it has broader meaning for me now… deeper effect on me.... and it encompasses of lot more things… now

I so badly want pensieve to exist (it would have allowed me to fully immerse myself in the memories stored within it and it would have also relieved my mind which is now cluttered with lot of information…with lot of memories… with lot of emotions).

Well I have herd people saying "Well that was the… turning point of my life" I am not sure if this is mine.
But, I hope it's not an illusion, not like a mere dream for an insomniac.
I would have never imagined myself being here, doing all these things I think I am getting addicted to these people….
I am getting addicted to all the things that I think I have been running away from all this while....

Of all the things in my life,that may come and go... I want this to stay forever..endlessly

Out of the blue.......


Its getting interestingly funnier these days....
I dream a different dream each day(night!!), but with same "elements" that are a part of my life now…
My mind is filled with sweet memories of the same.. but my mind also tells me to let go of them… I have opened my study books …..

But my mind wanders of to different places.. to different memories!!

Interestingly while writing this and studying at same time I am solving a problem in English grammar.
It says.. solve grammatical error: the line reads.. “Many psychologists today suggest (a)/that we interpret dreams by comparing (b)/the dreams with (c)/the reality of each person’s (d)/Life” .
Out of 300 pages in my study book, I stumble upon this one precisely.. at this moment.

Untill now I have never witnessed anything that has had an impact on me. It’s difficult to digest the thought, pleasant but difficult....
I have never seen myself so vulnerable.

Lucky Serendipitous .......


The Duke’s Nose trek is so famous that there are 700 people from a local trekking organization on an odd weekend to experience its beauty. That’s what lured me to check this place out….

It being a local trekker’s paradise we decide to try it out with some friends. Well this time we took to all by ourselves, having been experienced trekkers ( yea experience level being 1- Himalayan and 2-3 local treks).
After 6 out of 12 friends ditching us the day of trek, we were even more charged to continue with trek, come what may….
[I guess people are more enthu to take scenic pictures of locale to shove it off their (ditched) friends face…. :)]

We began our journey to khandala, the “we” and “us” included 2 experienced trekker gals and 4 zero experience trekker guys (most unnatural).

Well the journey was of 2hrs, most of which was spend playing dumb charades and acquainting new people.
[Read as- guys befriending other gals in compartment, even convincing them to join us in the game, but thank god for dumb charades, whoever invented it, anything for keeping mouth shut].
Time passed and we arrived at khandala station. But to my surprise the place is deserted big-time, not single chaiwalla, no stall, nor any people at 10 in morning… weird!!!!

Our route was very simple start walking the moment you get down from train.. yea… stick to the tracks,the very peculiar deserted, an old 1857 railway track.

All we had hoped on this trek was rain and mayynnn… we were blessed with not just that but with mist too…..
[A perfect start, a perfect weather, a perfect route, what more could we have asked for… yeah, what more could we have possibly asked for….]



We all walked the obvious route; track changing from “tar” to “mud” and when you reach a mucky path you know that’s the way to destiny…ooops destination….

Exploring the wilderness and sauntering in canopied route, the walk was fun…
The fun part was that there were foot marks on the path confirming we were on right path and we were happy about the fact there weren't 700 people trekking the same path but little a weary of the fact that we were the only one's walking….

But our assumption was soon falsified since we met up with group of trekker boyzz[ who had lost their way and seemed to be happy to have met us on our way].


Well we did know the route… which we eventually lost it……


I do not wish to elaborate the fact of getting lost… coz we enjoyed that fact*… lets just say we followed our instincts that day…
But,we could see the dukes nose gleaming across the mountain from where we were.. a small "waterfall" separated our destination, we followed that path…
(second most unnatural thing).

Somehow slipping, flipping, falling we managed to get on other side of waterfall, though we thoroughly enjoyed it.

The route that followed was undoubtable and we wanted to reach the top somehow… any how…

The somehow included clinging to bark of trees and stems of bamboo, 6 people climbing up path only meant for single person. The any how included clinging to barks of trees with thorns!!! And deep valleys on either sides of us…
Having finally reached the top, we realized that we actually ended some place else other than our intention.

Serendipity or what!!!!!

Well we didn't miss out on what we had come here for "Dukes nose" was just behind us, its nose gleaming with mist and rain
But after doing all this, one is truly physically on the top of the world; on the edge of cliff…We truly were….
The cliff was barely something that could accommodate six people.

















Well there were silly little added dramatic scenes to whole the experience.
With questions springing “what if we are stuck here and can’t manage to find our way back?” trust me we were in that situation, but my feeling was only euphoric….
“What do you wanna do if this was your last day on earth?” It was well answered by I wanna go back…


We decided to spent sometime on lonely cliff, just admiring the beauty of nature and were trying to sink in the feeling that it was totally worth it climbing up and the fact** that we could probably be the only people to have treaded this cliff.


I would like to alter some famous lines of a poem by Robert frost…..
(Suits our scenario quite literally)

Two roads diverged in wood,
And we followed our instincts.
Having lost our way,
Took the one less traveled by…..
And that really did make all the difference……………

The mere thought of finding (neverland, not exactly but something similar..hee hee) is something I am going to reminisce for my life…



[*Route to the top is always by just climbing…
False- We climbed only to come down again on our way.. and lost it..
**Follow the foot marks, they lead the way
False- Again.. they are misleading so make your own ways, you might end up in discovering totally whole new place yea we did....]

Mind numbingly adventurous, beautiful and unforgettable!!!!!!