INSOMNIA....zzzzzzzzzzzz

Insomnia, had herd this word for the first time when it was associated as a symptom of a disease, must have been long time back, had mugged up pretty badly along with the illness and its symptoms.. Coming to think about it now, I think I had liked the word, coz I didn’t knew what it meant then and it stood out amongst the ordinary symptoms listed in our syllabus at that time.. :)
Sleeplessness.. Sleep deprivation...was its meaning as explained by our teachers, found it rather silly to have sleeplessness as a symptom back then..

Funnily realizing now and kind of witnessing the symptom…but..

Insomnia.. What makes me be awake???

Well if one truly tries to reason it out I don’t know... sometimes there are many reasons.. Sometimes you are just plain awake.. No reason whatsoever..

Today is one such day, I am awake for absolutely no reason, but I want to reason out to myself the very reason for simply not sleeping…

(This was one of the dialogues from popular series, found it apt as one the reason I consider for Sleeplessness…)
“When you're little, night time is scary because there are monsters under the bed. When you get older the monsters are different. Self doubt, loneliness, regrets. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark.
Sleep. It’s the easiest thing to do; you just close your eyes,but for so many of us, sleep seems out of grasp. We want it, but we don't know how to get it. Yet once we face our fears and turn to each other for help, night time isn't so scary because we realize even in the dark, we aren't all alone.”

Sometimes it’s perhaps because you don’t have good enough reason to wake up next morning, to look upto something worthwhile, so better yet give no chance to “wake up”

Sometimes it’s due to the pursuit of something that has interested you immensely and grappled you that you don’t want to let go of it even for a moment to catch up on sleep

The two things contradict itself.. but its paradoxical to the core..

Sometimes the night time is the only time you’ve got all by yourself to indulge in things that you wanna do say read a book, write about something, catch on missed series, catch up with friends from busy daily schedule, think over the day past by, think over about the next day….

INSOMNIA-(I define it as.) I ‘am Not Sleepy, Ordinary Mind Needs Inordinary Activity..
Connoting it lil funnily as - I’am Never Sleepy Ofcourse My Notion is Adaptable :P

Sometimes night time is the only time when ideas hits you, where imagination is at its best, when your mind works wonders and you wouldn’t waste a moment over even consider trying to sleep….. which results into something I denote as Natural High!!!
( Insomnia gives you a natural high and it doesnt even give time for hangover)
Sometimes, its sheer mind wanderings. finding out ways to get certain unfulfilled things done, exploring and knowing new things, sometimes sleeplessness is coz you delve into your dreams, aspirations, thoughts, imaginations…

“Dream is not what you see when you sleep.. It’s the thing which does not let you sleep”

It’s this constant pursuit of oneself to do something, be something, to keep mind occupied all the time..

Sometimes it feels that whatever time you’ve got for yourself its pretty lame to waste it on SLEEP......zzzzzzz

In my Mind…..



It seems...
It hits me, strikes me ,bounces off me..

A nail biting story…

Just yesterday… I was wearing a this brand new pair of shoes (chappals,if I may say so..). It might not even have been like 4-5 hrs .. I felt little uneasy wearing them…
Actually my shoes doesn’t last for even week forget months..
That’s like my trademark thing.. I still haven’t figured out why, how for myself..

Later on I realized that a nail was stuck on rear of my shoe, I dint bother to remove it then but later on it started pricking me.. I obviously couldn’t let it be that way…
It disabled my walking…
So I removed it…. I figured it was one those notice board nail pins.


The strange /Funny part is…

Later that night, my chappals broke, making me completely unable to walk, I was shopping in the mall, limping my way thru and that was the last place I could probably find a cobbler, the only other option being buying a brand new pair of chappals …
Well I wasn’t that keen on buying brand new pair again…
( I realized our dependency on shoes soo much, I cudnt just remove it and walk barefoot, I was too embarrassed to do so..)

Ahan! The other quick fix solution for mending it was.. glueing it.. Well looking out for shops wasn’t big deal in mall (thank god). I went to “hobby ideas” to find glue which could gel in cloth..
In middle of mall I was glueing my black chappals, with white glue..
(I know that’s pretty lame.. but I was adamant on buying new pair of shoes)

Well the glue it seems was adamant on sticking my shoe as well....
Something struck me while doing this..
I went to stationary store in the mall, bought a packet of “noticeboard nailpins”….
This time I pierced the same nail pin in my shoe and....

Eureka !!!! it worked..

My chappals were mended.. I shopped.. I returned back home.. and I still have those “noticeboard nailpin” stuck in my shoe… this time.. Making me enable to walk…

Sometimes you dont realize what will strike you where( pun intended) !!!!! he he he

Confessions of an Addict…

[Addiction is defined by “A dependence on a behavior or a thing that a person is powerless to stop.” In snapshot it is described an obsession, compulsion, or excessive dependence of /on something.]

It all started with a friend suggesting to open an account on latest social networking site that was the buzz doing rounds in the virtual “WWW” ….

It was meant to stay connected ..to keep in touch with them.
Instant messengers and mails didn’t exist for me then.
Internet was a remote possibility…

I lacked an email-id…I lacked a virtual identity.

The only source my computer provided to me was for playing games (which I still do ),, listening to music etc etc.. so it wasn’t that very important for me perhaps, just a means of entertainment…

Coming to think about it now, I feel…
My computer was dead for long time … In a way I was too..


Now..

The first thing I do coming back home is log onto my pc, actually I plug into my internet connection even before that.. ( O.C.D).

Google ( Blackle- trying to be eco-friendly) being my home page I am its huge fan as well. Not just for my home pc but for work pc as well ( I like personalizing things. :-))

Tab one: Gmail
Tab two: Orkut
Tab three: Facebook..
Tab four: Messengers

New Window: Rest of the things

thats my routine I think (another O.C.D)..


Tab one: Gmail

I have got to check it, more often then usual I prefer reading to mails, then to net- surfing. It’s like “the more the merrier” when it comes to my inbox…
There is thrill of some kind to read the mails in your inbox, an anticipation for something new to be discovered.. something new to be known.. I guess….

There is this feeling that someone bothered to bother about you, someone felt… to share something with you…


Somehow.. I also like the red, green dots, showing up in the Gmail
(especially when they are besides the people you really want them to )..
Although I don’t like the orange ones that much …

There is this feeling of being together somehow when your are distances apart..


*[ There is something exciting when 5-10 windows pops onto screen. greeting you …
as soon as you log onto to your messengers…

In between the perplexed condition that you are into, of switching from one tab to another from one messenger to another, basically multitasking here as well…
You like it….. when you tell our friends that you are taking time to reply him/her becoz you are talking to 10 other people.. The “sorry wrong window” phrase.. sounds cooler than it might actually be ]


The feeling that you have someone there to talk to / to listen to you in this “busy” world is gratifying.


Tab two: Orkut

Well … you get a peep into the lives of your friends, long lost ones, some relatives
(whom you hardly talk to but wanna stay in touch anyways).

* [Albums,photos,communities,videos status updates.. gotta check them all once in a while..
You wanna know where your friends have been, what are they doing, how do they look now.. lolz
Scrapbook allows you to talk to people who aren’t as net savy as you and you got to check that as well also once in while.]


Tab three: Facebook.

The ultimate thing that has gripped everyone I am no different..

* [You update your status more frequently than you think ..you gotta blurt it out .. whatever that is going in your mind.. You like it when people notice that…
You like to flaunt your friendlist… so force your friends to join in.. add up new acquaintances, You like no. of comments you get on your newly updated status, on your newly updated photo album..You feel popular when someone tags you in their album..
You find yourself thinking about facebook even if you are out on vacation and enjoying yourself, you have got to check your account and update your status.. somehow..
You find applications are an easier way of knowing yourself better, in comparing yourself with others no matter how insanely ridiculous they might be..]

Tab four: Messengers

As soon as you log onto it …. The screen goes pop…pop…pop


Abc: hi wassup
Xyz: hey hi ,hows u
Abc: I am fine what abut you?
Xyz: I am gr8..
Xyz: how was ur day?
Abc: hmm well you know what happened today……..
…………………………….
……………………………
…………………………….
Xyz : aaahh
Abc: yeah k…
……………………..
……………………..
…………………….

Another window pops

Efg: hey mayn.. whr r u
Abc: hey hie m gud,yeah been lil busy
( even if you manage to talk to same person everyday)

Efg: wats going on
Abc: kuch nahi some work
Efg: hmm
………………….long pauses………………….
Efg: u thr?
Abc: yeha yeah.. teme
Efg: nothing much
Abc ok..

Previous window
Xyz: hey gtg
Abc: c ya laterz.. gd nt tc sd
Xyz: gd nt tc sd. Bubye

* [ Routine eehh !! but you like it somehow, you like to talk it all out that’s been bothering you, you like to hear from others who might be in similar situation, and messengers just bridges the gap for you]

Its one of the easier means of communication, typing was only an effort one had to take.. but voice chat solves it all.. he he he

But I prefer the the good ‘ol way..

I like to put in thoughts, emotions, feelings in writing then emoting it out, ( well emoticons solves that problem too…)


The thing I like most about virtuality is that you don’t get to judge people by the way they look, or by the way they are…

It’s like you open your (chat) window into their soul…
You get to judge them from what they are from within..

( I dunno how people can fake themselves, or their identity in the virtual world, I feel they might just reveal their true identity )

Looks can be deceptive.. but thoughts are difficult to deceive…


* [You have check your messengers for offliners, to check if somebody has just buzzed in to say “hows ya”.. all in all your glad to know.. people remembered you for some other reason.. ]


After the countless hours ( that’s another reason for your insomnia) you spent online, living in the virtual world…

You suddenly realize that Virtuality .. is getting better of you..…
But then Reality is no better either..

So you are happy as long as……. you are happy..

You realize you have become an addict …. You have become an addict to that happiness that it brings along..

But at the end of it .

All these things that make me an addict.. an addict to my computer, internet, facebook etc etc
My addiction to “non –living things”… The things that make me happy..

But in true sense of terms.. its and addiction to feelings… to emotions… to people, to others just like me..

As soon as I unplug myself from this world, I have an awful feeling, that I just disconnected myself from happiness… from people who no longer are just a part of my life… they have become my life…

In the end it’s about knowing I am no different then others…

However insane it is.. however worse it might be…
Addiction is actually what keeps you going.. day before a day… a day after a day.

I am glad I am an Addict………

[ *- This symbol refers to signs of addiction, if you agree with them…
You have just discovered that you are an “Addict” too.....]

Meaning.......

Sometimes we derive our answers, to those unsettled questions which have our mind lingering over, all the time in bizarre ways..

Sometimes a book makes the reader wait till that very moment, when the reader could understand its true value, not in terms of just the text that it holds but it terms of the meaning that could perhaps in a way matter to the reader.

Sometimes suddenly just this day out of blue... through some instances.. like perhaps talking to somebody, watching T V, reading a newspaper or probably from a cut out of the paper you just had your bhel in you figure it out.....

Something connects, something fits into that jigsaw puzzle that your mind has created by itself which then it tries to resolve as well.

"Meaning" is something each one of us is trying to figure out, about and from every aspect of our life...

There are times when some things bother you so much that, it starts to affect everything around you. and then you start blaming that everything.. for your difficulties, when the problem lies in perhaps yourself.

How long does it take for us to figure that out?

So is it that we derive our answers all by ourselves.. or the answers are just lying around , waiting for us to seek them.
Its like those multiple choice questions we have for most of our exams, you have questions and then you have answers just lying in front of you.

All you have to do is figure it out, seek the Right one...

Choice is what we have, Results are certain, Fate is.......